Twas the night after New Years, when all through the room,
Not a person was breathing, while awaiting the groom.
The wine was flowing by the TV with care,
In hopes that Ben Flajnik soon would be there.
The holidays may be over, but the best time of the year has just begun. Last night, marked the launch of a new season of THE BACHELOR. And if the scene at your home wasn’t like the one above, then you need to rally your girlfriends (or boyfriends – we know you secretly watch), to partake in the best evening of the week.
Call it a guilty pleasure, sick obsession or plain silly way to spend your Monday night, but flanked with glasses of wine and laptops for easy access tweeting, the four of us had a night filled with wild moments and lots of tears (of laughter).
If you didn’t catch the 8 p.m. premiere, well then you really missed out. But, never fear. In a nutshell is here to get you up to speed so that you can be caught up for episode two, which is sure to be a doozy.
The show opened with a short recap of Ben Flajnik’s devastating end to last year’s season of the Bachelorette. The soft spoken, shaggy haired winemaker, from the Sonoma Valley, thought he had found the one in Ashley Hebert and got down on one knee in front of millions of viewers on the season’s finale. After a long and awkward moment, Ashley helped him back to his feet to tell him that actualllyyyyyy… she hadn’t chosen him. Ouch. Hearts broke around the globe, especially Kate’s.
But, the stud is back to “find love” once again. Aren’t they all? Rumour has it the producers were worried that the quiet former contestant wouldn’t bring enough drama to the screen so they hired an EXTRA crazy cast this time around. Because the girls are never nuts on this show, right? Heaven help him.
Bios of the girls started out with a bang, with Amber who claimed she was 28 – even though the screen listed her at 29 – and went on and on about how she was going to get Ben to try her family’s delicacy, cow balls. See ya later, Amber.
Next, we were introduced to Courtney – the model. You may have missed it, if you watched but she is indeed a model. In her spare time, she enjoys modelling. And she thinks Ben will like her because she is a model. She also talked about money a lot and how she deserves a two karat ring. By the way, she’s a model.
Jamie was our group’s favourite. Her touching story about raising her brother and sister had us at hello. Most importantly, she seemed normal. A rare quality to find among the Bachelor women.
Lyndsie J came next, a completely insane British woman who spoke a mile a minute and decided to dress in various costumes for her short one minute introduction. Meghan said it best, “Wow. Good luck.”
Jenna started off on a good foot among our little group. She is a BLOGGER – woman after our own heart. It affirmed one thing and one thing only: one of the nuts has got to get in there. However, Jenna quickly became the craziest person on episode one, spending half of the cocktail party crying in the bathroom and was clearly drunker than I was on my 19th birthday. And that’s saying something.
Shawn, the single mom and Nicki, a young divorcée both got our seal of approval, not an easy thing to achieve.
Brittany scored some sympathy points by bringing a friend with her to the first rose ceremony – her 72-year-old grandma. Ben, the sweetheart, didn’t seem to mind though. When he said “I love grandmas” we melted. Way to go, Ben.
Lyndzi (not the crazy Brit) rode in on a horse, which was creative and I guess got Ben’s attention because she got the first impression rose.
Amber, the Canuck, had us rooting for her even though her pick up line (about Baconators) was terrible.
I must pause here to note that Kate (our resident wine specialist) has a serious celeb crush on Mr. Flajnik, and was tweeting at him incessantly throughout the program. When he said “I love Canada” that gave her the perfect opening: @BenFlajnik you love canada eh? Sipping on some Niagara wines! Everything is better up north.
Then, despite all skepticism our night was MADE when…. she got a response from the bachelor himself.
@katelalu love Canada.
HE TWEETED ME BACK.
This obviously sent us into a frenzy, since despite the thousands of tweets this stud was receiving (#thebachelor was trending in Canada and the United States) he only responded to a handful of people. And our little lovestruck nut was one of them! Needless to say, the rest of the evening was spent planning the wedding. We were half expecting him to tweet the last rose goes to @katelalu.
The women’s entrances were definitely entertaining, seeing Emily whip out Purrel and binaca before planting the first kiss on the man of the hour.
Kate: “That was ridiculous. She SANITIZED him.”
Holly wore a ridiculous hat, Monica opened by telling Ben she missed her dog and Shawn gave him a hearty slap on the shoulder. But, it was our girl Jenna that won worst entrance of the night. She was trying to tell him about how she liked his quote at the end of last season when he said “Things don’t end, unless they end badly”, but she managed to completely butcher it leaving Meghan commenting, “Well THIS is ending badly.” Awkward silence had Kate chime in, “PLEASE walk away.” We were in hysterics before she was even inside the house.
A strange potential lesbian scene, girl who rapped (“Is she READING it? Shame. Not freestylin?” -Shannon), and the obvious lunacy of Jenna made the cocktail party one for the books. And when the latter secured the last rose it had us all groan that this was probably a producer choice.
Nevertheless, scenes from the coming season had us all on the edge of our seats and the birth of a brilliant idea to help us enjoy the show even more (is that possible!?) was born.
Having all been in relationships at one point or another with men who obsess over their lines and stats in various hockey and football pools, our competitive group thought we should make things a little more interesting.
After scoping out former Bachelor contestant, Ashley Spivey’s drinking game and downloadable pool sheet (http://saynotocosmo.com/) we started arguing about what was the best way to go about choosing.
This is going to get ugly.
We then pointed out that the guys always get additional points for their players achievements and that we should devise something that would give us the same sick pleasure.
After much discussion, we decided that each person would put their faith behind five women.
These women would win or lose points based on their achievements or psychotic episodes during the course of the season. At the finale, all points would be tallied to reveal the winner. Below is the set of criteria we came up with. We urge you to play along with us!
Keep in mind, you don’t have to pick the winning gal to win the pool.
BACHELOR POOL POINT SYSTEM.
Choose five women – BEFORE episode two airs (and before you read all the spoilers, cheaters!)
How to WIN points:
- A cheek kiss: 1 point
- Peck on the lips: 2 points
- Make-out: 5 points
- First rose in the rose ceremony: 10 points
- One on one date: 5 points
- Rose on the group date: 10 points
- Hometown date: 15 points
* 5 points per girl that stays at the end of each show
* 25 points per girl that makes it to the final two
How to LOSE points:
- Crying (in any way shape or form): – 5 points
- Make another person cry (staff, bachelor or other girl): – 2 points
- Storm out of a room: – 2 points
- Saying “I love you” or any variation including the words “love” and ”you” TO BEN before the last three episodes: RESET points for that girl
- If you say any variation of “love” and “him” to the camera before the last three episodes: – 5 points
Check back next week for another update on the Bachelor’s antics and to see the standings after week two. Happy obsessing watching, nuts.