canada olympics

OH (hot damn) CANADA

It’s over.

The single most watched athletic event in North American history: The Olympics – London 2012 edition.

One of the things I love the most about in a nutshell is how people have come to expect us to be on top of the daily goings-on of the world at large. That’s why, when out for drinks last week, I was affectionately hounded: “Why hasn’t NUTSHELL done anything on the Olympics yet!?”

True say, my friends, true say.

I think I can speak on behalf of all of the nuts in saying we wore our Canadian pride well – watching, cheering and catching up on the each event of the day. Jess’ friend, Will, from Kingston, even took home a silver medal, bringing the spectacle across the pond a little closer to home. We joined the 32 million Canadian hearts bleeding patriotic pride across the nation for that special time, once every four years, where we get to watch athleticism at it’s prime. Hard work, dedication, discipline, talent all before our eyes. No, in a nutshell did not miss out on this worldly event.

And what an event it was. It seemed as though for those days between July 27 and August 12 it was the only subject worth talking about … “Did you see the Canadian girls’ soccer game? What a heartbreaker.” … ”Did you see Bolt run?” … “Did you see we got another medal?” ………

“Did. you. SEE. the BODY on that ROWER!??”

Yes Canada, we took home 18 medals. We won gold. We showed the world what we are made of…

…. And we also, looked good doing it.

While discussions about unfair judging, bicycle crashes and cocky athletes ruled conversation across the planet, so did one other thing – brawn. can. be. beautiful.

So, with a little help from one of those that scolded in a nutshell for it’s lacklustre coverage of this epic event, my good pal Allan Gordon (@agordo12) and I bring to you the TOP 20 HOTTEST CANADIAN ATHLETES – LONDON 2012.

Feast your eyes, Canada, and take it away, Allan.

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THE BABES: 

Although a team of five girls runs in a nutshell, they’re not (always) the kind to discriminate. We know that Team Canada’s Olympians didn’t only run deep in male talent, as our women put up nine medals – a contribution equal to the men, including our only gold of the London 2012 games, by Rosie MacLennan, in trampoline.

But let’s get serious here gentleman, when the ladies aren’t winning medals (and realistically while they are winning too), we’re watching closely for the talent that carries off the field of play.

Without further ado, let’s take a look (or two, or three, or…) at our top 10 Canadian Olympic babes of the 2012 games:

10. Melissa Bishop (Track) @BishopMelissa

Starting off the countdown, it was a no-brainer to include this hometown girl. Bishop has ties to the Nation’s capital that go way back. Before her success in CIS track with the Windsor Lancers, she attended the University of Ottawa where she competed on the GeeGees track team. She currently represents the Ottawa Lions Athletics Club in competition. A tough break in her heat caused her to miss the semis in the 800m, but we hope to see her back in 2016.

9. Kelsey Titmarsh (Rhythmic Gymnastics) @kelseytitmarsh

Little Kelsey almost didn’t make this list – not because there was a ‘you must be this tall’ restriction holding back this gymnast, but because criminal law almost caused her to be left off the list. Kelsey is only 18, but it’s not illegal to look right? Let’s hope she returns in 2016, and that the rhythmic gymnastics team doesn’t place last again… okay fine maybe we can deal with another last place, what is rhythmic gymnastics anyway? If Will Ferrell can do it, anyone can: 

8. Desiree Scott (Soccer) @MsDScott11

Desiree logged huge minutes in Canada’s run for the soccer bronze. It was pretty tough to miss that face on the field, especially while she was rocking that bright pink headband all throughout the tournament. Oh by the way, her nickname is the destroyer… we’ll leave that one to your imagination.

7. Jenna Martin (Track) @Mz_Can_eh_D_n 

East-coaster Jenna Martin was the 2011 Canadian champion in the 400m. She earned her way to the semi-finals in London, but wasn’t able qualify for the finals. We forgive you Jenna.

6. Sarah Wells (Track) @SarahWells400mh

Sarah Wells belongs in the same category as Jenna Martin: Good-looking, ridiculously fit track athlete who qualified for the semis, but didn’t come close to making to finals. What else is there to say, just take a look and move on to the top five.

5. Tracy Little (Synchro Swimming) @Tracy_Little

On behalf of men everywhere, it’s nice to see a synchronized swimmer who still looks hot without piles of waterproof makeup on. Who even knew about Tracy Little until now? We need more coverage of athletes like her, for obvious reasons.

4. Lauren Sesselmann (Soccer) @lsesselmann

Lauren Sesselmann is probably the greatest import to Canada from the USA next to California wines. Sesselmann was born and raised in Wisconsin, and only received her Canadian citizenship in 2010, but we welcome her with open arms – I think any guy would in a heartbeat. Just take a look at her twitter bio (@lsesselmann) for a description of the perfect woman: “Athlete, Model, Actress.” Jackpot.

3. Jonelle Filigno (Soccer) @JFiligno

Filigno (no, not Foligno) has quite the resume. She has been named to the following: Top 10 Olympic Women to Watch, 30 Hottest College Athletes, 50 Hottest Female Soccer Players All Time, and Top 100 Sports Hotties, by various different sources. She also won bronze at the Olympics, but that’s just a minor detail.

2. Emily Batty (Mountain Biking) @emilybatty

Emily Batty is an absolute gem. The girl looks just as good while she’s competing as she does off the course. Too bad for her, she crashed in practice the week of the Olympics, and raced to a disappointing 24th place finish. Why is that awesome? She did it with a broken collarbone and a couple broken ribs. If you’re thinking, “this girl is tougher than me,” you are correct… and way better looking too.

1. Kaylyn Kyle (Soccer) @KaylynKyle

They say a picture is worth a thousand words… there’s 3000 good ones for the boys. If you haven’t heard of or seen this beauty yet, it’ll be a matter of seconds before you google her name, get mad at her for spelling it so stupidly (so many y’s!), and then instantly forgive her when google gives you the ‘did you mean’ option – success. To give you an idea of how much this country loves Kaylyn Kyle, she is one of very few, if not the only Canadian Olympian to be twitter verified. I think she just gained another follower…

Of all the heartwarming stories Canadians had the privilege to witness during the London 2012 Olympics, the gutsy effort shown by the FIFA #7 rank Canadian women’s soccer team to earn a bronze might have been the most exciting.

This victory literally put the faces of our ladies on the map, across the country and all over the world.

The greatest part of this team might be that they could’ve lost all of their games, and still captivated the attention of over 16.5 million Canadian men.

It’s pretty evident from this Top 10 that the women’s soccer team dominated on and off the field. Although the team won bronze, the lads know they’re really a gold mine.

Congratulations on winning bronze ladies, but even bigger congratulations on winning the hearts of men all over the world.

- By: Allan Gordon

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THE BOYS:

#10. Nathan Gafuik (Gymnastics) @gafuik_nathan

Ok, ok. So we may not be starting off our top 10 on the strongest foot, with gymnast Nathan Gafuik, but the fact that after his Olympic dream concluded early with him falling during his high bar routine, his only event at the Games, Gafuik said he was “headed to McDonald’s” means he’s got a sense of humour. Or at least, a hearty appetite. The 27-year-old from Calgary was Canada’s lone male artistic gymnast. Weird right? I thought that was a popular sport for that demographic…

#9. Alexandre Despatie (Diving) @ADespatie

Not a huge fan of the speedo, but he’s got a body.
The 27-year-old, fell flat (literally) at this year’s Olympics, but for a guy who was making his fourth spin around the Olympic stadium and spent almost his entire young life as Canada’s leading international diver, I guess he does okay. Finishing in 11th place (second from last. knife. twist.), in the 3-metre springboard he was eighth going into the last of six dives.  His legs slapped the water hard as he entered ….
…Just going to trail off there.

#8. Sergio Pessoa Jr (Judo)
A common theme in this series of Canadian hotties, Sergio Pessoa Jr, one of Canada’s most promising judokas, ended his Olympic dream after only one match. A Montreal resident, Pessoa, had a very tight contest with Kazahstan’s Yerkebulan Kossayev that went into golden score and was then determined by the judges’ decision. They ultimately raised the blue flag in favour of Kossayev, but we raise our eyebrows to what’s above those blue shorts. No Canadian judo player has won an Olympic medal, so hey! You were just meant to stand there and look pretty anyway. The 24-year-old was following in his father’s footsteps, who competed in Seoul, which means ladies, he’s got good genes.

#7. Tory Nyhaug (BMX) @Tnyhaug49

Tory Nyhaug, badass BMX biker from Coquitlam, BC, won the fifth and final run of his Heat 2 grouping, and yet — disappointingly — the 20-year-old missed out on reaching the semi-finals by one measly point. Luckily, he’s likely got a long career ahead of him. Lucky for him? Or lucky for us? Men only get better with age. Right?

#6. Damian Warner (Decathlon)Decathalon should be synonym for: “I’m a freaking boss.” Not only did Damian Warner get put through not one, not two, but ten Olympic paces, the 22-year-old managed to get a respectable fifth place for his first Olympic Games. Oh and he only achieved six personal bests during the last two days… nbd. The only thing going against this stud is that he doesn’t have Twitter, which means limited stalking privileges. Drat.

#5. Jason McCoombs (Canoeing) @JasonMcCoombs


This Dartmouth, Nova Scotia smokeshow would have scored higher on the list if he wasnt NINETEEN. Little Jason wasn’t even supposed to go to the Games, being invited to Olmypic training camp simply for a learning experience. I can think of a few women across the country who’d like to teach him another lesson… The first of many rowers that made our palms sweat, I’m sure we’ll be seeing this up-and-coming super star on the water again soon. Thankfully, he’s not getting any younger.

#4. Riley McCormick (Diving) @RMcCormick2012With an eleventh place finish, Victoria’s Riley McCormick didn’t crack the Olympic top ten, but he did crack OUR top ten. As the second diver on our list, it’s no secret that men of the pool have sculpted stomachs… and thighs … and shoulders … and backs. Shall I go on? He kinda looks like he needs help drying off… I think a million hands just flew into the air to volunteer for that job.

#3. Conlin McCabe (Rowing) @conlinmccabe

Oh hi, Conlin. My name is Catherine and I also live in the Ottawa area.

We already had our eye on this rowing hottie, before realizing he was from Brockville, which is really just a hop, skip and a jump from the Nation’s Capital. As one of Jess’ friend’s teammates (three degrees of separation) that led the men’s eight rowers to an Olympic silver medal, this brawny Canuck turned the most heads out of a group of men who were all tall glasses of water in their own right. Only thing I wish? That we were all in London for THAT silver medal after party.

#2. Martin Reader (Beach Volleyball) @martinjreader

No. Words. Necessary.
Right? It’s a no brainer that this beach volleyball babe would make our list. Why is he not #1 you ask?
Because he knows it.
That and he lost every possible game he played. But hey, it’s something just to go to the Games right?

Every girl likes a winner, gentlemen. But second place ain’t nothin’ to sneeze at.

#1. Jared Connaughton (sprinter) @jncoolc

He may have lost the bronze for Canada, but he ranks #1 on our list and in our hearts. There wasn’t a single Canadian who didn’t feel P.E.I. sprinter Jared Connaughton’s pain   after Team Canada was disqualified in the men’s 4×100 metre relay final. Connaughton stepped on the line during his leg of the relay, pushing the men out of medal contention. But, the jacked and tatted 27-year-old gets our #1 ranking, not only for his bodacious bod, but for owning his misstep like a champ.  After stepping off the plane to a warm welcoming from a hometown crowd yesterday these words show he not only knows how to man up, but he looks good doing it: “Be proud of your hard work and be proud of the good times and the bad. Because sometimes the bad times wake you up to the good times you weren’t paying attention to. And that was a pretty bad moment but this makes it not so bad.”


So there you have it Canada. Take a second to be proud of our 18 medals, take pride in our athletic achievements, and for the love of God, take a cold shower, because the great North (strong and free) just got a little greater.

One last thing, thank you to Daniel Charboneau (@DanCharbs) for helping to craft this incredible post-worthy idea.

4 Comments

  1. Luke says:

    I’m offended that you didn’t include Rosie! #goldengirl

  2. Bella says:

    No Adam Van Koeverden?? Shocked and dismayed…I think you need a part 2 of this list! ^_^

  3. Kevin Kitts says:

    Yes, Nuts, the Canadian people deserved this posting.
    Obviously, with so much talent to choose from, the choices were difficult.
    However, they seem relatively fair and are definitely wholesome.
    Dan Charbs picks were ABSolutely marvelous!
    I do agree with Luke that Rosie MacLennan, who is no slouch in the looks department as well as on the trampoline, probably should have made the top ten list…..even taking into account that ‘beauty is in the eyes of the beholder’.
    I really feel that Rosie MacLennan did not receive the recognition that she deserved having been Canada’s one and only Gold Medalist in the London 2012 Olympics……….I mean eons ago when humanity moved beyond the Bronze Age it was hailed as a great achievement.

  4. Kevin Kitts says:

    In my previous comment, I forgot to mention that I was somewhat astonished to learn that Bonzo is a friend of Kingston’s Will Crothers, a silver medalists in Canada’s eight-man rowing team.
    Just throw a black cape over my shoulders and call me Batman, but that Bonzo sure gets around!

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