Screw corkscrews. Who needs them anyway?

Okay, so maybe that’s not precisely how I feel about those petite, functional tools. I have my own corkscrew which works wonders for me and I recoil at the thought of using anything else to open a bottle of wine. There are, however, multiple occasions I can think of when I was caught without. Bringing wine to a friend’s house, when beer is their preferred beverage and corkscrews are considered foreign utensils. Travelling abroad and bringing a bottle of wine back to my hotel room, only to find that aside from a fully stocked mini fridge, ice bucket and plastic glasses the whereabouts of a wine opening device is mysterious. I asked a few women if they, too, have ever been stuck in those awkward and frustrating moments when the thought of literally splitting the bottle open to simply indulge in its fruits have crossed their minds. The responses were not unanticipated as I’m sure many of you can commiserate with their plight:
The Licentious Opener

Well I had to use a disposable corkscrew from the Holiday Inn once, and I ended up wedging the bottle between my legs to pull the cork out.

The Anxious Opener

That’s definitely happened to me. More than once. I just end up pushing the cork in.

The Barbarian Opener

I’ve used a tiny steak knife and either pushed in or dug up chunks of cork out of the neck of the bottle.

The PG Opener

Whenever I bring wine to my parents’ house, I am forced to use that stupid “rabbit” opener. It always crumbles the cork  to pieces and I end up pushing the cork in and filtering it out after.

Ahhhh the weird and wonderful things we will do to taste that succulent grape crush. Weird and wonderful . . .  and wrong.

So ladies and gents, next time you find yourself in a predicament as such, here is a speedy and (relatively) easy way to open your wine without the musty taste of cork infiltrating your glass.

1. Find a shoe that has a sturdy sole.

2. Find a wall that is NOT dry-wall

3. Fit bottle into the heel of shoe and firmly hammer onto the wall

4. When cork has slid 3/4 out of the neck of the bottle, use your hand to remove cork and avoid spilling wine.

A simple and nutty way to make your way to the grape.

Disclaimer: you may lose a splash or two . If using red wine, avoid areas with white carpeting.

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