On the ninth day of Christmas, the mall drove me insane…

Well, tis the season folks. The season for aggressive shoppers who literally lose their marbles on their last-minute trip to the mall. Over the course of my Christmas shopping, I was unfortunately graced with the presence of a few Grinches, who, with their bah humbug attitudes try to suck the Christmas spirit right out of you…

1. The ‘I’m in a Rush’ Shopper:

When you’re shopping the week before Christmas, the only logical thing to do is brace yourself for big crowds. People are browsing for gifts, trying to find nice things for their loved ones. So, don’t expect to whip through the aisles at lightning speed. I literally saw one woman grunt and almost take out an elderly woman. I know the song is called, “Grandma got run over by a reindeer” but you ma’am are not a reindeer, and it is not okay to make that poor woman your roadkill. Expect that you will be held up in the aisles and try smiling at other shoppers as you try to maneuver over-sized carts. If you keep a positive outlook on the whole thing, you can actually find the humour in the craziness!

2. The ‘I Have to Park Closest to the Door’ Drivers:

Realistically, parking lots are not designed to handle the large number of vehicles that flood them during Christmas shopping season. Parking lots can be terrifying on a regular Saturday afternoon, but on the Saturday leading up to Christmas it’s actually a war zone. Personally, I will park far away and embrace the 5 minute walk to the store just to avoid the hoopla. But, you know there are those drivers who can’t STAND parking far away. No, they’ll whip through the parking lot like their cars are on fire and either cause accidents or heart attacks. What do they think? If they can reach 60 km/hour they automatically win a close spot? No, I’m pretty sure they are reserved for pregnant women and handicapped shoppers. Chill out and use your legs. Also, if my blinker is on, the spot is mine. Seriously.

3. The ‘Why is this taking so long’ Person in Line:

Refer to #1 – people, we should anticipate long lines and big crowds. Yes, stores have more staff to try to accommodate the large number of people coming and going. BUT, there’s never going to be enough staff to have you in and out in a flash. People need to stop thinking that they’ll be able to get in and out of a Walmart in less than 30 minutes. I don’t care what you’re buying – it’s going to take that long. Tapping your foot, exhaling loudly and berating your cashier really isn’t going to speed up the process. In fact, you just make yourself look like and idiot, and make everyone around you want to punch you in the face (including Santa himself). Don’t run over my foot with your cart, trying to ‘beat me’ in line, don’t start complaining out loud and expect me to nod in agreement, and definitely, don’t complain to the poor, overworked cashier that he/she is scanning your 50+ items too slowly. Go watch ‘A Christmas Carol’ and realize that there’s no point in being this generation’s Scrooge!

So readers, if you have to brave the stores today or tomorrow, I beg of you – please go in with the right attitude. I know it can be frustrating watching time fly as you fight the crowds, but remember that the whole point of Christmas is to embrace the wonderful joyous parts of the season. Smile at your fellow shoppers, graciously thank your cashiers, and most of all… DON’T RUN OVER GRANDMA. She’s got a rough enough go of it already!