The Bachelor …. CANADA

I will admit, despite the numerous times I was asked, I was really unsure if I was going to write about the inaugural season of Bachelor Canada.

If previous reality series’ turned Canadian were any example, I thought simply … “This. Is. Going. To. SUCK.”

We need you.

No Chris Harrison? No millionaire bachelor? No crazed models from LA? Clearly, this newest Canadian conquest is doomed from the get-go.

Right???

Wrong.

Last night’s episode of the Bachelor Canada not only completely exceeded my expectations, but was one of the funnier episodes I’ve ever watched, with my phone literally blowing up with hilarious texts … from all my -GUY- friends …

Who. are. you?
Seriously, though.

Yes Canada, we may not REALLY know who Theo Tams is (Canadian Idol winner 2008, legit had to look that one up since I couldn’t name a single one) … but it appears we DO have enough drama, or at least crazy ladies, to keep Bachelor lovers satisfied. This mega-fan  is, anyway.

Not only that but, despite living in the sixth biggest Canadian city, of the three contestants hailing from Ottawa, the 613 contingency of nuts “know” two of them.

I use “know” loosely, as in one dated my friend before we were friends and one is the twin sister of my other friend … but STILL. When we’re used to developing girl crushes or hating on girls we have no relation to–or chance of ever meeting–it’s pretty cool to know all the background goss from a first-hand account.

Cue Wednesday night becoming the most comedic night of the week for ex-boyfriends across the nation … and the girls who are lucky enough to be friends with them.

The show opened with us giving mixed reviews about the man of the hour–Brad Smith. Please have a more generic name, Brad. Impossible.

Would we call this attractive?

The 28-year-old CFL free agent, who’s played in the past for the Montreal Alouettes, Toronto Argonauts and Edmonton Eskimos is also the son of Senator Larry Smith, former CFL Commissioner and former President and CEO of the Alouettes.

Twitter: inanutshell.ca ‏@inanutshellca

“I don’t think you can put #CFL and professional #football in the same sentence” -@ShaunDeschamps #BachelorCanada #malecorrespondent

I guess that’s about as big of a celebrity as we can get, here, in the Great North.

Some ladies (…only Kate…) at our Bachy Party found the man of the hour attractive, but the rest of us were on the fence.

Definitely NOT a good crier. Cringing at those close-ups, yuck.

He did, however, charm us in his interviews and, for the most part, seems like a down-to-earth, sweet, wholesome Canadian boy.

If any more of these exist could they please be forwarded to the single ladies of in a nutshell. Thanks.

Now, the girls–whole different ball game.

First one they introduce: a girl that hunts deer.

Naturally, I mean it is Canadian Bachelor after all and all we do up here is shoot game and drink beer right? … Come on. Okay, fine, maybe the latter.

On second thought …. so much plaid.

For any American who happened to tune into this show (one person, who had nothing else to do): not all Canadian girls are plaid-wearing hunters. I’ve barely even caught a fish.

There was also the PASTOR. This girl seemed to have an IV drip of caffeine under her sleeve, and giggled at absolutely ever word that was said, by anyone, all night. How she managed to squeak by to next week is still a mystery to me, but then again there were girls named BUBBA on the show.

Needles to say, buh bye Bubba. Cast away instantly on the grounds of awful name, along with seeming slightly unstable.

The token playboy bunny was present, showing off her hiney and her love for her daughter SOLESTINE. Again, lone American viewer, not all Canadians have berzerk names. Is this real life?

As was the token “girl-with-a-link-to-a-celebrity”, Bianka. She was clearly scouted by producers to bring a little spice to the show.  Not only is she one of the prettiest girls in the lineup and also actually seems like a normal human, she dated Kris Humphries.

The Canadian Kardashian

You know the man that was MARRIED to Kim Kardashian before Kanye swaggered his way into his spot.

And finally, if you thought every girl on this show was going to be sweet as pie, opening doors for every other contestant, saying sorry incessantly and throwing in a cute, innocent “eh” every once in a while, well then you weren’t prepared to meet Gabrielle – the token b*!#h.

As always, we hope she had a lengthy stay here on Bachelor Canada. You may be giving our nation a bad name, but you’re providing us excellent viewing pleasure. We salute you and the fact you managed to go the entire episode being an eighth of a millimeter away from a nip slip. Well done.

You scare us. Sure you’re not from Scarborough?

I could keep going on and on about the casting – a stripper from Winnipeg (WIN.NI.PEG – what.), a girl named Fawn who literally tripped twice (Bambi), or the one that was dressed like a 60’s clown – but if there’s one thing the producers absolutely nailed it was switching the background music to adequately match the insane personalities of each new girl.

While Whitney strode out of the limo to a low budget soft core porn interlude, the Pastor (refusing to use her actual name), had a twinkly psycho sound to accompany her every move. Just genius.

Twitter: inanutshell.ca ‏@inanutshellca

The last 5 mins: Ana is hot, Bubba needs to go, blond pastor needs to stop talking, Fawn is totally wasted -@jasonealexander #BachelorCanada

So while Brad whittled down the group of 25 to 16–keeping, at the last second, one of the girls we’re rooting for–Mr. Smith managed to give all the Ottawa girls another kick at the can.

Given the buzz on Twitter and Facebook last night – and the fact that I’ve been called twice this morning to ask what the hell happened on the show–I feel as though Bachelor Canada has a real chance at not being another Canadian ‘embarrassment’ – or … well … you know what I mean. People will watch it.

I, for one, certainly will … even though I miss Chris Harrison like a lost limb and am regretting, oh SO much, not actually applying myself.

Catherine, 24, blogger. Ottawa. ON … Sounds good, doesn’t it?

Just me, the girls and Brad.

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