Bachelor/ette FEVER

I first started writing my “Bachelor Recaps” because our weekly viewings were just too hilarious not to capture and share.

Now, since the devastating finale when Ben got on one knee and proposed to the devil incarnate, also known as Courtney, in early March – and our Monday’s have been replaced with laundry, grocery shopping and sheer misery – I have been asked an inordinate amount of times “WHEN is the Bachelorette starting!?!?!

Well ladies (and @Bakkesy), your prayers have been answered. Bachelor/ette fever is back in the air.

There’s not much I can do to contain myself before Emily Maynard takes centre stage as the newest Bachelorette. While some (read: Kate) think that the sweet single Mom will make for a boring bachelorette, I beg to differ. Does anyone remember America’s most vile contestant Bentley from Ashley’s season? Aside from being the scum of the universe, he basically went on the show in the hopes that Miss. Maynard would be there. I predict guys will fall extra hard and go extra nuts over this woman who, seemingly, has zero flaws.

Oh… and did I mention, that season premiere is LESS than two weeks away. Hallelujah, praise the Lord. Set to begin on MAY 14 it looks like I will be getting an early birthday present. Yahoo.

Yesterday, Emily’s bodacious bachelors were revealed. You can see the “babes” here.

Of interest is Arie, a 30-year-old race. car. driver. ……….… ok COME ON ABC. Is this not turning the knife a little? Emily’s ex-finace, who is also the father of her daughter, was a race car driver who died in a tragic plane crash. Ratings, ratings, ratings. Right?

There is also a CANADIAN from Sydney, Nova Scotia – but given past Canadian bachelor contestants, he’ll probably just embarrass our entire nation. See: Justin “Rated R” Rego, for more on that.

Ryan – the football player, Doug – the philanthropist and Aaron – the biology teacher all seem like they have baby daddy potential. But, who knows … maybe Emily will fall for Charlie’s Tennesse charm, Alejandro’s mushroom farm (!?!?! immediate dismissal due to hatred for food) or Jean-Paul because he is a marine biologist … George Costanza would be so proud.

In any case it seems like it will be a real TREAT to watch Emily whittle down the group of 25 to 19 on Episode 1.

CAN. HARDLY. WAIT. #bachyparty

In other exciting Bachelor news – (isn’t ALL Bachelor news exciting news!?) the inaugural bachelor for the Bachelor CANADA was finally announced after much anticipation.

AND after above mentioned anticipation, Canada let out a communal: “Who the F is that!?”

CityTV announced yesterday that former CFL player Brad Smith (could you pick a more generic name, please!) will step up to the plate as our nation’s trial run. The 28-year-old is the son of Canadian senator, Larry Smith and graduated from Queen’s University. He played on both the Montreal Alouettes and the Toronto Argonauts.

…Decent credentials, I suppose.

I think he looks a cross between a poor man’s Andy Samberg and Cory Monteith? … Cory Monteith! Now THERE is an eligible Canadian Bachelor.

To be fair, I’ve never been attracted to ANY of the Bachelor’s … except Brad Womack. Swoon. Just lovvvve those commitment phobes.

The Canadian season, that will air in the fall, will more than likely plague me as a constant reminder that I declined to apply. Fame comes at a price, my friends, and that price sometimes has to be willingly allowing yourself to participate in the most ridiculous reality show on television…

Where do I sign up for season two?

— Stay tuned for details on our BACHELOR CONTEST. To be revealed before Emily’s May 14th premiere —