Top Halloween Costumes… FTB

By: In a Nutshell Guest Contri“Beaut”tors

Ken Essex @essex88 / Allan Gordon @agordo12
 

Ladies and Gents, welcome to Ken and Allan’s Beauty Column. Now, at first glance you may think “Hmm, two dudes writing about cosmetics and such?” Not that kind of beauty. Far from it. Once a month, we will be lending our expert opinions on a variety of topics because, well, we’re pretty knowledgeable fellas and the ladies of nutshell are letting us bestow our wise tales.

The first topic we’re tackling is the top Halloween costumes that will get you girls the most “looks,” if you will. We have broken down the costumes into a few common categories because lets face it, girls can make just about any costume look sexy. So without further adieu, lets get this going.

There comes a point in one’s life, when Halloween is no longer about sprinting door to door to collect the biggest bag of tooth-rotting candy. Odds are, by the time you’ve reached middle school, you’re way beyond this ‘childish’ activity. But, have no fear middle-schoolers, in a few short years, Halloween will once again become one of your favourite holidays of the year, under a completely new premise: costume parties.

Halloween, for older ‘kids’ is now about who will wear the most creative, funny, or completely outrageous costume. However, we’re not fashion experts, makeup artists, or creative geniuses.

Let’s take a look, in no particular order, at some of our favourite timeless classics, shall we gentlemen?

Emergency Service Workers

Everyone knows of the extent of the dangers our emergency service workers face day in and day out. While many of us work within the confines of a nicely acclimatized office, where a mean comment or glare could surely ruin your day, police, firefighters, paramedics, and nurses literally put their lives at risk each day keeping our communities safe.

This has GOT to be the reason that so many beautiful ladies dress up, to pay tribute to these selfless individuals, through their Halloween costumes.

Sparks may fly when you see Ms. Firefighter, but good news for her – she’s got the ability to put out that fire as soon as it lights. Lady paramedic can take your breath away just by walking in the room, but she’s fully certified in mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. And when you’ve got ‘the fever’ a female friend in a nurse costume definitely knows how to cure it. Let’s hope the party doesn’t get out of hand, because Halloween police-women have handcuffs, and they’re not afraid to use them!

Disney Characters

Girls are suckers for Disney flicks, they relate them back to fond childhood memories of being young and innocent. They wanted to grow up to be Belle, Tink, Cind, Minnie, or Snow, so what better idea than to make that dream a reality for one magical night. This time however, they are no longer young and are FAR from innocent. Hoping they will find their Prince, a bit  lot more of Ms. White’s stockings start to show and Jasmine’s top falls a little farther off her shoulders.

Go ahead boys; Take her on that magic carpet ride, show her a whole new world.

School Girl / ‘Nerd’

Part of the beauty of Halloween is the choice to be anyone you want. You’ve heard the line countless times in school growing up: “You can be anything you want to be!” So inspirational!

Let’s get real… try telling this to any one of your friends who has, or is struggling through high school, college, or university. FALSE. That’s what we thought.

This is why Halloween is all about fantasies coming true. In this case, it comes much more easily, and less costly than a real education. All it takes is a few simple items right out of the closet:

• a pair of thick black frame glasses (sans-lenses of course, you don’t actually have a prescription);
• a white dress shirt (aka a ‘blouse’ … who invented that word?)
• your oldest kilt, which is bound to far too short
• knee-high socks
• unnecessarily tall high-heels

O-M-G, we have a nerdy schoolgirl! School’s out, but you’re back in session. To quote the epic Alice Cooper “School’s Out” lyrics: “No more pencils, no more books, no more teachers’ dirty looks.” Tonight anyone can be the nerd they never were, or will be!

This costume is bound to end up as a go-to Facebook profile picture, and none of the guys will know that that innocent girl isn’t actually a nerd!

Action Heroes

Now, this type of costume can be worn by two different types of girls. First is the obvious comic book and cartoon-loving babe. She always was shy about being into what the boys were into, but now has the upper hand over her GFs with a plethora of costume ideas. Sexy Spidey, Super Woman, Bat Girl, Lara Croft; the list goes on. Now as many dudes would love to find a girl he can take home and play video games with, this is likely not the case with most cape-crusading ladies on the 31st.

The majority, unfortunately, couldn’t tell you who Bruce Wayne or Peter Parker are and instead are just looking for an excuse to wear red latex pants. So, although you can’t discus the possible outcomes of DC vs. Marvel, she could be your Wonder Woman tonight. Be her Iron Man.

Animals

Everyone knows, girls are suckers for cute animals. It could be a cute puppy, kitty, rabbit… heck, even the racoons that rip your garbage apart on a weekly basis are ‘so cute’ to the ladies that most men wouldn’t dare tell a female friend how badly they want to rock those masked bandits with a pellet gun. Otherwise, you could be at risk of being forced into abstinence for who-knows-how-long.

Even if you’re a guy just pretending to like animals to score some points, one thing all men can agree on, however, is that when the same woman you are pursing by posting photos of the pet you ‘love,’ dresses up exactly like that animal, it’s a no-brainer which one you love more.

Have fun chasing tail all night, but as cute as these costumes may appear, take caution lads. These girls can turn out just a wild as the predators they’re dressed as.

Hono(u)rable Mention

There was one costume this year that did not fit into any of our categories but, could not be left out. With a full weekend of partying prior to the 31^st, this costume quickly immerged as to go-to for 2012 as it started to appear in just about every Halloween party album on the book. “How can I show as much skin as possible and preferably wear as little as possible?” she asked. Solution: The Loofah costume. A bunch of scrunched up colored material, a piece of rope, and BOOM you’re a loofah just waiting to lather someone up. This costume is simple, easy, AND can be done in a variety of colors. So when her arch nemesis shows up at the party also dressed as a loofah, they instantly become besties for the night and are asked to be in everyone’s photos.

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A little advice FTB: do your best to take it all in, and ‘appreciate’ all of the costumes that so many beautiful ladies spent so much time putting together for tonight. If you end up going to bed too early for whatever reason, there’s always Facebook and twitter… and best of all, there’s always next year.

Well, that’s all we have for this month. Did you agree with our top picks? Did we miss some essentials? Please tell us what you think and feel free to leave your number too, we’re used to it. Also if you think you nailed one of these costumes bang-on this year, share some pics! We hope you thoroughly enjoyed our commentary and we plan to inundate you on the reg here in this shell of nuts.

Cheers!

Who might these guests be? 

Professionals by day, animals by night, Allan Gordon & Ken Essex have officially taken over In a Nutshell’s monthly Man’s Digest post. Have a topic you’d love to get a guys perspective on? Let them know and they’ll add it to the laundry list of other things they’ll be pretending to know about. [email protected]