By: In a Nutshell Guest Contri‘beaut’tors
Ken Essex @essex88 / Allan Gordon @agordo12
Social media is both a gift and a curse. It can help for networking, to develop relationships, maintain long distance friendships, and can be a great source to share fun, interesting, or educational information (eg. inanutshell posts).
On the other hand, social media can have many opposing and negative impacts on our lives, including providing a means to destroy relationships, reducing face-to-face interaction, and distracting from work and/or school.
Let’s face it though, social media is the way of the 21st century, and rather than fighting it, we need to embrace it for what it is. With that being said though, there are lots of things on social media that we do not want to embrace, especially those typical, standard photos, that everyone seems to post.
Thanks to Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and other forms of social media, our most annoying friends can now update us with unnecessary, boring, repetitive photos. Here are a few categories of the most annoying photos that litter our social media lives:
“Take me back”/”Wish I was there”
We all have those friends that have the perfect body, and love to show it off. So it’s the middle of winter, and this friend just can’t wait to rip off all those layers. Solution: post a photo of summers past or vacations past in a bathing suit, and claim it’s about the location rather than your shameless self-promotion. We get it, you’re hot, we’ve seen you countless times before. We’re not against taking another look at you, but we are against your self-centered, cocky attitude. Next time try posting something that shows you have a personality. #showoff
Pictures of Food
In this day and age, if you sit down to a fancy meal, or just made some bomb recipe for the first time, your first thought is “I must share this!” Next thing you know, you’re trying to find an artsy angle of your sautéed mushrooms with your iPhone and insta-ntly look like a damn fool by all that can see you (Example). Maybe you slaved over the stove for hours, or are spending your paycheck on taking some Betty out to dinner; regardless, this is a definite do-not-do, especially if you plan on trying to make said Betty your Wilma. Your friends who are enjoying their evening scrolling down their social feed will be irritated by your 11th meal photo this week, plus it’ll probably make them hungry. You don’t know – they could be on some crazy new diet and guess what? It’s not cheat day, so you just ruined their day. Don’t be that guy. #yummy
Things Only a Doctor Should See
“OMG look at these warts!”, “Is it normal for a girl to have this much hair growing here?”, or “Just got my tonsils removed, check it out lol” are comments that should all remain within the confines of a doctor’s office. Not only that, but they should never be accompanied by a photo! Do me a favour and check your relationship status. Single? That’s what I thought. If you ever want this to change, keep your disgusting personal details to yourself please. (We’ve refrained from providing a photo for this one. You’re welcome.) #vomit
Pictures of Animals
Everyone loves their pet. Guilty as charged; and a pic here and there of your favoritest poochie in the whole wide world isn’t hurting anyone. But, some people take it too far. The most common are those cat ladies out there. Now I don’t know if you gals realized this, but most dudes aren’t too fond of felines. Litter boxes, hair balls, being in heat, allergies… the list of negatives is endless, but for some reason chicks love these things and feel the urge to have photo shoots with the things on the daily. Look at you – you have a cat, looks the same as any other dang cat in the world, yet you must post pictures of the thing, and even embrace being a cat lady. Not cool/attractive in the least. My social feed is not a litter box, please do not litter it with your cat photos. #thecutest
Baby Photos
The gift of life: such a thrilling adventure and highlight of your world. Why not share it with everyone you know? Sure, we don’t mind seeing your child progress throughout their life, but these daily photos are a little excessive, and captions like “Incredible – he just made a noise” don’t really add to a photo. Do your child a favour and keep those thousands of flashes out of their eyes, or their retinas will be burnt out before their third birthday.
Also under this category falls “baby bump” photos. Okay, we can see your stomach is getting big, but keep that thing to yourself. Same goes with pictures of your sweaty wife “10cm dilated!” in the maternity ward. This isn’t math class – show us the final product, not the steps you took to get there. #keepittoyourself
Selfies/DuckFace
We get it. You look good today. That’s totally fine, our motto is “look good, feel good”. (Or “look legit, feel legit” for the nuts). Some days your hair falls just right and your attire is on point so you say to yourself “Damn, this cannot go to waste. I look way too fine today not to share it with the world.” Next thing you know – SELFIE! Maybe you’re out on a girls night and you all just ordered mojitos – SELFIEEEEE! The kicker is, if I can pull up your profile and I immediately see more than one selfie without even scrolling, you’re blowing up people’s feed and they are likely not happy about that, even if you’re a complete babe.
Of course, the advanced form of selfies comes with the added element of the DuckFace. Rumored to turn men to stone like the ancient Medusa, ladies around the world have been posting selfies posing with DuckFace with hopes of… well we’re not sure what exactly they’re trying to achieve, but looking hot sure isn’t one of them. #selfie
Gym Updates
You’ve been pushing extra hard every day and sacrificing nights out, great meals, and tasty beverages, so you can be incredibly fit for…. Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram??? I guess your daily gym updates via photos of dumbbells, bars, and medicine balls (or whatever other things people use at a gym) makes a bit more sense, if that’s what you need for self-gratification. Unfortunately, the only people that really care about the gym, are your fellow gym-goers (irony!).
P.S. we don’t care what your max squat is – my max squat is the obese girl I threw on my shoulders at that concert last week, while I was actually having fun. #maxsquat
Pictures That Show Off Your $$$
We get it okay. Maybe you make bank, you drive a Range Rover and you sleep on a pile of money. That’s cool and all, but don’t throw it in your followers’ faces saying “Look at how ballin’ I am, I am way more baller status than you.” Whether you earn your money, fell ass-backwards into it, or Mommy and Daddy give you their no-limit AMEX, it’s just not cool to pump your own tires. Unless you’re throwing a banger party for all your friends or flipping the bill for everyone at the bar, I don’t care. Sharing is caring bro. #ballin
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Now as much as these can be super annoying, we’re all guilty of a couple of them. The key here, and with all social media is variety. Anything is good in moderation. So keep these to a minimum and your follower count should continue to rise. #hashtag
Cheers.
Who might these guests be?
Professionals by day, animals by night, Allan Gordon & Ken Essex
have officially taken over In a Nutshell’s monthly Man’s Digest
post. Have a topic you’d love to get a guys perspective on? Let them
know and they’ll add it to the laundry list of other things they’ll be
pretending to know about. [email protected]
For more on social media etiquette from a nut perspective, see here.
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