Nautical Know How: 5 Tips for a First-Time Sailor

It’s that time of year again: time for endless pictures of attractive friends/acquaintances/strangers whose instagram you troll sipping cocktails and modeling on boats (#imonaboat, b**tch!). These pictures plague your social media feeds (or at least mine) for a depressing 3-4 months a year, making us all wonder why we don’t have wealthier friends and spend more time sculpting our abs from October to June instead of binge watching HBO shows.

This past weekend I had the opportunity to (finally!) get out on the lake and take my turn spamming followers with crystal-blue waters and cliché white pants. Only, this was not your typical wannabe Yacht Week setting; I went sailing. Like, really, really sailing.

Here are 5 tips for those of you who find yourselves on the high sea (or Lake Ontario) without a bathing suit, without music, and without a cocktail.

1) Always hold onto the boat. Even when not indulging in alcoholic beverages while out on the water, boat safety is a real concern. I’m not suggesting you crawl around on all fours the whole time, embarrassing your boyfriend in front of his family (completely hypothetical situation). I literally mean the number one rule in sailing is always hold onto the boat when moving around. Grab a beam, a backstay*, pretty much anything beginning with a ‘b’. It is so not photogenic to be thrown from the bow at the slightest hint of a wave.

2) Staying out of the way is helping. If you are like me, anything involving multiple hands on deck – literally! – is your cue to say “what can I do to help?!”. If this is your first time on a sailboat and you are with a more experienced “crew”, staying out of the way and watching quietly is the best thing you can do. Sailing is a well-oiled operation, and blundering around grabbing ropes only puts you closer to harm’s way than is necessary. Watch and learn – before long you’ll be hollering ‘shiver me timbers!’ with the best of them!

3) Leaning = Listing. Never point at another boat and say, “Look at the lean on that guy – sucker is going DOWN!” (Once again, purely hypothetical quote). It is not leaning, it is ‘listing’. Think of listing as the less-than-cute gangster lean you unknowingly adopt when stumbling out of the bar after a few too many; embarrassing, a little scary, and ultimately not something to laugh about.

4) To steer the boat – Don’t steer the boat. Contrary to Tip #2, there may be a time on board the boat when you are asked to hold the wheel while a more experienced sailor jumps up onto the bow to do important things with the sails and such. In this situation, do not panic. Ships basically steer themselves (what movie was that from again?), and as long as you hold the wheel steady and do not make any jerky movements, you will not crash the boat… probably.

5) HAVE FUN. You don’t need a DJ and a wetbar on board to enjoy the majestic feeling of gliding across the open water on a beautiful day. Take it all in! You are a mermaid!

Who might this guest be?

Shannon is a Tostito enthusiast who balances her unhealthy obsession writing reviews from her TripAdvisor account with a day job in Marketing & Event Planning. She lives in Toronto, where she has yet to meet a carb she didn’t like. Follow her misadventures on Twitter @codeshanaynay.