Crustacean nation: A live lobster how-to (sort-of)

There are those few foods you simply can not go an entire summer without sampling and savouring.

Corn on the cob. Strawberry shortcake. BBQ’d hamburgers. Gelato. A really good peach … and … LOBSTER.

So while we make the homestretch on this summer season, it’s no surprise that both the Ottawa and Toronto nuts are completely and coincidentally in sync when it comes to this delectable dinner item. (Except, Jess. She’s a vegetarian.)

Speaking of which, our veg-friendly friends, I would suggest you stop reading here. Us in a nutshell girls love making friends with salad, but this post is going to be a “how-to”, or rather, “how-not-to” cook your own live lobster dinner.

Antics ensue.

When Kate, Meghan and I dreamed up this brilliant dinner date and much-needed catch up sesh, we may have missed a few key steps to the ultimate live-lob experience.

Probably due to the fact we were just so eager to get our paws on those claws. Literally.

While I, myself, missed out on the actual selection process, I’m told only a few squeals and one proposed date later, Meg & Kate had successfully chosen our new friends with the help of a (single and looking) local  grocer.

A discussion then took place as to whether the lobsters were ACTUALLY safe in the backseat.

“Let’s put them in the trunk.” – Kate
“You’re being insane. They are in boxes. They can’t get out.” – Meg
“I don’t trust it.”- Kate

SPOILER ALERT: no body got attacked by a lobster on the way home, with the boxes safely nestled in the backseat.

Now, I can say with 100 per cent confidence that our night of wining, dining, cooking and clawing was an absolute success.  Many laughs were had, good wine was sipped, tasty food consumed, AND, we got enough pictures and material for this post. However, there a few things we should have though of in ADVANCE of bringing these live lobs into our home. So, in an attempt to ensure you, our beloved reader,  will hold a much more successful lobsta fiesta than our own, here are a few tips we might try on for size next time:

1. Be fearless. It’s rule number one.
2. You’re going to need a few pots. Or AT LEAST one big one. Basically, the worst thing you can do is have one small pot – like we did.
3. Internet times for lobster cooking seem askew. We read, multiple times, that you should cook a lobster for 14-15 minutes. However, my lobster, the one we cooked last (yes, we were cooking them one by one- see above) and for the least amount of time, was cooked to perfection. I’m going to ballpark it at about 8-10 minutes once water was boiling.
4. Serve HOT. Due to our poorly oiled machine, not all the lobs hit the plate piping hot. Again, mine was and was the easiest to take apart.
5. That said, REMEMBER: You’re going to need to take these things apart. AND. It’s not easy. For the love of god, pick up some lobster crackers. We made due with ONE nutcracker that we had BY CHANCE in our home, but if you’re going to get serious about lobster cuisine, this is a must-buy.
6. Even the best carver isn’t going to get TOO much meat out of this lob (too graphic?), so make sure to make hearty sides. For absolutely delicious cheese tea biscuits head over to our good friend the Domestic Blonde, for this awesome recipe.
7. Expect your kitchen to become a disaster. In fact, expect your dining room, clothes and everything in a six-foot radius of the lob to be an absolute mess. Plan for a good 40 minute clean-up time.
8. Serve with wine. Duh.
9. Eat with good company who will not judge you, or your own buttery little claws.

10. We know lobster is synonymous with class and high end dining, but let’s get real, it’s way more fun to squeal, laugh and get messy with loved ones. Tried, tested and true – in a nutshell.