Tag Archives: The Bachelor 2012

The Bachelor Recap – Episode 7: Sharks and other scary things.

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You might have expected us at in a nutshell to do something really sweet for Valentine’s Day. I mean, it’s not secret that we’re a little obssesed with each other and have done a number of posts gushing about the true love we’ve found in our soulmates, our best friends. Or maybe, you were expecting a creative recipe post “Just the cutest cupcakes you’ve ever seen” … sure to cut to the core of any man’s heart – his stomach. Right? Or what about a music playlist to steam things up a little this evening – Sinatra, Bublé, Shaggy .. all the classics.

But, come on now, nuts. Could there BE a more appropriate Valentine’s Day post than a recap of the quintessential romance of our time – The BACHELOR. No, nuts. No, there is not.

If you are in a relationship, by reading this you can be thankful. Thankful that you are not constantly meeting crazies like Courtney. Or, that you’re with someone who doesn’t use spine crippling analogies at every possible given opportunity like Ben Flajnik. And if you read this and are thinking, “Actually, my boyfriend DOES do that … or yes, my girlfriend does get a twitch in her eye as though she was posessed by the devil TOO.” Well then, in a nutshell has served a life-altering purpose. And when you reach the hills that you’ve ran to, you can send us a thank you note.

But, perhaps even a bigger sigh of relief will come reading this if you’re single. Why, spouseless nuts? Because. You, unlike the people on this show, have not stooped to the level of reality TV to find love. Probably, because you have your sanity. And that my friends, is better than any bouquet of red roses, heart shaped box of choclates, or plush stuffed teddy. (Ok, fine.. maybe not the teddy.)

With that said, last night’s episode of the Bachelor was by far the worst one yet for three reasons: 1) Ben has managed to weed out the likes of *most* of our favourites / the craziest women on the planet – Jenna, Blakely, Jennifer – etc. Entertainment value is suffering. There was no one left to curl up in fedal position and declare their premature love. 2) There wasn’t nearly enough Chris B. Harrison 3) Ben proved that he is a COMPLETE. IDIOT. More to follow.

But, we managed to make the most of it having the BEST hashtag-BachyParty, yet. Complete with a scrapbook tribute to Blakley and live appearance from our male correspondent @Bakkesy and sidekick (sorry, I’m not as nice as Jess) @jamesmay021

The show started out with promise, as instantly Nicki was minus 10 points for saying she’s falling in love with Ben and then sobbing to the camera. Six minutes in. This is what I live for.  While she lost complete composure, Lindzi secured the one on one (Jess was elated, serious #girlcrush). But their date quickly turned into the most annoying date in Bachelor history. Naysayers, say nay all you want. But the fact that they were jumping out of a helicopter into water made for the cheesiest conversation about taking leaps of faith and …. I can’t even go on. It is still making my skin crawl.

Just plummet and get it over with. Save us. Please

“Making out while doggy paddling seems like it would be very tiring,” – Kate, on the couple that can overcome any obstacle.

Courtney had a mini breakdown with Emily got the second one on one date. She was crying and we were rejoicing. Everything was glorious until she did one of her infamous “ha HA’s” and I was shaken to my core. God that woman is frightening.

— commercial break —

We died watching this. You’re welcome. “I got the ro-ose”

igottheroose

– and now back to the program –

Emily looks like a blonde Rachel McAdams and Ben's hair is as bad as Owen Wilson's ... this scene is wedding crashers remade

Emily was in contention to be MVB again (three-peat). Seriously, we love her. And she is getting a PhD, which means she is le-git. Even when she said “If only my boyfriend didn’t have five other girlfriends, this would be great!” we were like YES. At least you have a grasp on reality! Unlike anyone that’s ever been on The Bachelor before. In history.

Courtney got partial redemption, however, when she was picked for the final one on one date of the week. Their date was probably the coolest one, visiting ancient ruins. But, you could see that Courtney, the model, didn’t care. at. all. She just wanted to sip from her water glass (did no one else find that incredibly out of place)? And complain about life as a model and bachelor contestant.

Push her off, Ben. Push. her. off.

“I had a tough day yesterday” – Courtney … “Another tough day yesterday?” – Ben …. This is what your life could be like, Ben. EVERY. DAY.

Courtney also revealed that in her spare time she’s an active COD player when she showed off her kill shot skills. Screenname: CrayCourt

But she REALLY topped off the night when she said in an indignant voice: “My job is rough. I am the TALENT.” Courtney. Just. Wow.

Turn those guns on yourself, Courtney. Save humanity.

@inanutshellca @Bakkesy cannot take Courtney any longer #groaning #thebachelor

The group date saw the rest of the ladies pile into a boat and do what every girl dreams of doing to fall in love. SWIM WITH SHARKS. Um, hello. When did Bachelor become survival of the fittest? Pretty sure everyone at our #BachyParty would have been sent home after blood curddling screams, wails and wetting the boat.

Nothing says romance like losing a limb.

@Bakkesy Sharks scare me. Courtney terrifies me #psycho. @inanutshellca

Somehow they managed to get through that, even though Kacie B. hilariously stated “This isn’t fun anymore.”

She ALSO hilariously stated TO BEN that she was falling in love with him which meant a full RESET of her points in our #BachPool … about effing time. I was pumped, Kate was not.

The group date girls also gave ben the low-down on the Cray Whoretney situation and it APPEARED he had listened when he skipped the rose ceremony and then in a moment of heart-stopping TV mastery, asked to see Courtney before giving out the roses.

@inanutshellca Ben will pull Courtney aside. Courtney will tell Ben exactly what he wants to hear. Courtney will still not go home. #benyoushouldgohome #thebachelor

If I had been there I would have been chanting "Walk the plank! Walk the plank!" ... and then I would have been sent home.

And that is EXACTLY what he did. Saying siyanara to Rachel the hottie and Emily, our favourite.

Both girls were crushed, obvs. And Courtney, staying true to form left us with this: See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya.

"I got the rooo-ose"

#b!*ch

We are QUITE excited however to meet Courtney’s family next week. We wonder if they’ll be in full warlock attire or if they’ll put on Muggle clothes for the cameras.

#BachPoolStandings

Shannon 367
Kate 351 (ha!)
Rhiannon 288
Jess 271
Catherine 268 (victory is within reach … or maybe 3rd place anyway)
Meghan 208

Until next week, addicts.

Oh and a very Happy Valentines Day from everyone at in a nutshell. Make sure to show the special ones in your life some love today, ESPECIALLY your very best girlfriends.

The Bachelor Recap – Episode 5: baseball, birthday suits and blindsides

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It’s pretty clear that the Bachelor-loving nut + friends contingency are pretty competitive right? I mean, we only took an innocent girls night of watching our favourite reality TV show and turned it into a competitive pool, which is seeing friendships strained and almost as many trembling lips in the living room as there are on girls on the show. But, it’s all in good fun right? (not. at. all)

So for a bunch of fiesty ladies yesterday’s Puerto Rico episode was scene after scene of fierceness that would  get the Tyra / Beyoncé’s gears going….

Nikki, FINALLY got a one on one (fist pump) after going weeks with being a group favourite despite making no real interesting moves.  When the date card came are inaugural MVB, Emily, translated the spanish istantly and re-installed our faith in her after she almost sent herself packing last week. Smart girls = legit girls. We salute you.

As Nikki set sail on her date (like actually, she could have used a boat) the skies decided to douse the pair with a heavy rainfall and of course, analogies ensued. Nikki kept a positive attitude though which reminded us why she’s one of our faves. She also managed to not laugh in Ben’s face when they decided to dress authentically and his fadora and white linens had me humming Mambo Number Five for the remainder of the evening …(which is actually a really appropriate Bachelor song if you think about it, new themesong? Step aside David Gray.)

Is that a trumpet in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Back at the homestead, the group date was announced leaving one girl to get the last one on one. My sleeper pick – Elyse – who has proved in recent episodes to be more scary and less anything that a man would ever want, gave me a glimmer of hope when she was able to snatch it.

I saw this face in my nightmares last night

Blakely had a mini meltdown, since she hasn’t had a one on one … but didn’t know she was about to be on the best group date of Bachelor history.

“Is she older than the grandma that came on?” Kelly, on Blakely.

The next day was the group date “diamonds are a girls best friend” … which had the players (how appropriate) divide into two teams. That ageless stud of man, Chris Harrison, showed up on a megaphone to announce that the losing team wouldn’t get to go on the second portion of the date.

OH BABY. If we weren’t already on the edge of our seats we are now. Slide tackles, tears, baseball bats, striking out, tears, Ben in a baseball get-up, tears … the Bachelor Gods should win a Golden Globe.

Everyone is having a great time.

Lindzi was selected, by Ben,  to bat for both teams (would Blakely not have been a more appropriate choice – cue lesbian scene from episode one) … which meant she’d get to go on the date either way … definitely hint that she’s a favourite. (got her, yesss.)

We were just thrilled to see that Blakely did not show up in a onesie for baseball, she’s learning. More than just learning she ended up DOMINATING the field and definitely won our MVB(P) award. Most valuable baseball player.

Sweet little Kacie B. didn’t hold back with f-bombs and lots of name calling when the red team seemed to be in despair. We even almost liked Courtney for a second when she said “I didn’t know strippers (Blakely) could play baseball.” … Legit funny, but we still hate you.

Despair in it's most pure form.

If the high stress situation wasn’t enough, I think the soundtrack to JAWS was playing in the background during the game. Despite, Blakely’s stellar performance Jennifer struck out (*foreshadowing, kids*) for the blue team sending them back to the bus (aka cra(z)y train). Blakely fell apart on the ride home, reminiscent of when she cowered behind the luggage in episode two.

oh. hi.

If anyone scored points in MY books during the group date it was Ben who was at the height of his hilarity, calling the game ever-so-appropriately a ‘Batale Royale’ (my fave saying) and made hilarious comments to the camera after Courtney suggested skinny dipping. “Where do I start … The idea to go skinny dipping was brought up … F*!k.”

He also had a tender moment with Kacie B. who was sporting a MEAN Lionel Ritchie Jerry Curl, when he explained that most of the girls he’s dated haven’t loved him back … “It’d be cruel if they flashed that proposal (with Ashley) right now.” – Jess, on pity.

leave the show. find a salon.

Here, in my notes on the show I have: ELYSE SUCKS! written. And I cannot really sum it up much more than that.

She was just atrocious from the beginning, wearing way too much make up and talking about getting married – like, right then and there. on. the. first. date.

Sleeper pick?

You frighten me. Straight up.

More like I-wish-I-could-claim-I-was-asleep-when-I-made-that pick. Despite their ideal date setting (yacht. Helloooo.) It was no surprise when Ben opted not to give her the rose and cast her out into the waves via dingie … our favourite mode of transportation after rejection.

Not to mention it was to the tune of THIS YEAR’S LOVE. Ben Flajnik has ruined this song for everyone. Not only is it the only musical score he knows how to play, it is his soundtrack to every possible life situation. One more time and I’m deleting it from my iTunes.

A wasted Courtney saw her luggage being taken out and pounced on the opportunity to be a slu- by surprising Ben at his dwellings with some wine and little else.

Despite Ben’s reservations … in other words, “Mmmmm”ing like Grover at the prospect, the model triumphed in convincing him to shed his clothes and show off his “butt” (only word in the Cray-Court vocabulary). We’re all pretty sure they did more than just doggy paddle in the waves……………..
Leaving it at that.

"What's her butt" ... literally.

Ginny summed up all of our thoughts when she said, “Die in a fire you sk—k.” Violent, but appropriate. (skunk, obvs. This is a PG website.)

At the rose ceremony we were shocked to see Jamie (where have you BEEN!) get a rose, even though she should have won by default at episode one for being an adorable nurse that raised her whole family. Step up your game, orphan Annie, we need some points from you.

Lindzi got the first rose, and Courtney followed closely behind. “Of course she got a rose, she’s carrying his child,” – Jess, on Courtney.

“Neptune.” – Ginny, on the baby created in the ocean.

Then, despite Emily sinking (water analogy) herself AGAIN and still valiantly trying to tell Ben that Courtney is Cray … he gave her the last rose, shocking everyone (literal gasp) and BLINDSIDING poor Jennifer. She remarkably held it together at first – remember, this is the chick that was dropping the l-bomb after group date number one – before falling apart at the seams and making us wonder if she has asthma. 

I could not find a single picture of Jennifer crying ... probably because it was too horrific for the internet. This paints the scene well, however.

Scenes from the next couple of episodes had our eyes glued and everyone making different predictions as to who Ben will pick. A friend of a friend, who is an avid spoiler reader, said we will be SHOCKED by the outcome … and a flash of a Black Swan dress at the finale has us thinking Courtney might become the future ex-finace of our dapper Mr. Flajnik.

Time will tell!

MVB was a bit of a toss up, but I am awarding it to Nikki for a stellar one on one, keeping her clothes on and her sanity in check. Well done, that’s no easy feat in the Bach World.

Pool standings after week five

Kate – 298 points

Shannon – 269 points

Rhainnon 263 points

Jess – 216 points

Meg AND Cat K – 178 points

… I’m not even going to rant. I am now (tied) for last. It’s hopeless, I’m upset and I am totally requestioning my judge of character … and my life.

The Bachelor Recap – Episode 4: L-bombs, cat fights and more annoying analogies

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Folks, I’m not going to lie, I feel awful. I’ve been just slammed with a terrible flu and it’s caused me to take the day off work, put my hair in a sumo bun and groan at the thought of leaving my bed. But, there’s no way I could let the day pass without my weekly Bachelor recap. Especially after an episode like last night.

Personally, last week’s had just a little more insane drama (we crave it) but when the opening scenes played rather triumphant music of Ben prancing around on a horse … we knew we were in for a treat.

The first one on one date went to Rachel (who ALL of us have in our pool). As Rachel was about to be whisked away in a helicopter (of course) Kacie B. had a mini-meltdown, getting REAL emo with the camera and saying she can’t stand seeing Ben leave in a helicopter with other girls. Don’t you hate when that happens? So many of MY potential suitors have lost me over that …. right.

While at first we were all rooting for the very pretty and raspy voiced Rach, she provided us with the most AWKWARD date in Bach history.

“PLEASE say something,” – Meghan on the awk encounter

Just can't take their eyes off each other ...

Crickets could be heard as they sat and stared off into space.

...... wow .......

And we were in stitches when Ben finally tried to break the ice by saying “That’s a beaver dam”. Realllllllly pulling at straws there.

She managed to redeem herself in the later part of the evening and Ben didn’t send her packing despite our initial thoughts.

The group date started off with a SPLASH (see what I did there) when Ben took the girls fly fishing. Courtney who made it very clear that this was her first GROUP date was able to annoy the *!#@ out of the other girls, by playing COY in the water (somebody stop me). She even managed to catch a fish.

Kiss itttt ... maybe it'll turn into a prince and you can leave poor Ben alone

“5 points if you cash a fish!?” – Meghan trying to secure any points possible for her three remaining girls.

And OF COURSE in true Bachelor fashion, the fish in analogies were endless “If you can catch a fish, you can catch a man.” “She’s a natural, which means she might be a naturally good partner in life.” No Ben, if you continue to make these analogies, you will die alone, belly up. Flush your love life down the toilet now.

Whattttddddyoooouuuu mean I'm not here for the right reeeashons? #sluryourselfhomeSammy

The second portion of the evening, saw people not knowing how to dress! Courtney was basically wearing a prom dress while Ben wore a hoodie and the other girls fell somewhere in between. The highlight of the night was a toss up between Nikki FINALLY GETTING A POINT, or when Ben sent Samantha packing for being drunk and annoying.

“Oh gaaaaaad, it’s like a teacher talking to a student,” – Jess on the badass scolding Ben gave Samantha before saying buh bye.

Despite Kacie B. finally getting the alone time she’d been pining for (she probably has his name tattooed on her wrist by now … runs in the name) Cray-Courtney managed to steal the group date rose by wining to Ben how hard of a time she’s having. Smart girl, but still cray.

Meanwhile, back at the house we were brought into Blakely’s beauty salon. The VIP cocktail waitress / at home stylist (apparently) was just casually colouring Emily’s hair.

VIP cocktailing really doesn't pay the bills....

I must take a moment to say, perhaps the funniest part of the night was all the texts we were receiving from other friends watching the episode.

Honourable mention to Ginny’s text: “1) of course she would know how to use foils 2) you know you’re old when you’re rocking a scrunchie”

Jennifer really kept her cray under control on the second one on one date she managed to score. After plunging into a cave together …

RT @Bakkesy Rock climbing date, cue the “if we can make it through this we can make it through anything” lines @catkitts

Take the plunge ... in life and love.

And of course that happened.

Not awkward at all...... :|

Another mutual sigh could be heard throughout the apartment when there was yet another #awkwardfortheband moment. Jennifer and Ben danced on a platform before having the crowd part for them, so that they could dance front and centre. Attention all members of the male population … never arrange for this to happen. We’re pretty sure we saw a cameo from Anna Faris, who seemed to be the Bachelor’s biggest fan to the right of the dancing pair.

We did have a chuckle thinking about our dearly departed Jenna, however. “Can you imagine Jenna on this date, crying and crowd surfing…. in a  wizard costume.” – Jess on the greatest contestant of all time.

Text from Rhiannon: “Hate this awkward dancing, come on theme of the show.”

Anna Faris: #nutsforthebachelor

The rose ceremony was by far the most dramatic part of the evening when Emily and Courtney had a virtual showdown. Emily made a HUGE mistake (come on MVB, we had faith in you!) when she wined to Ben about Courtney being cray. Legit Em, but now you look cray too.

When Kasey or Kacie or Casey S (having trouble knowing how to spell her name since she’s hardly been on the show) had her gurrrrrl’s back and told Courtney that Emily was talking sh–, Courtney responded with the calm and natural response of “I’m going to shave her eyebrows while she sleeps.” … Wow. #CourtneyisCray

He “ha ha’s” are some of the most terrifying things I’ve ever seen on television and Emily dropped another 10 notches in her books when Court confronted her and she DENIED it. Man up E-Dawg. You should have said loud and clear: You. Are. A. Psycho … we woulda fist pumped for ya. Especially since Courtney said “WINNING” not once, but twice in the episode. Being compared to Charlie Sheen would be my first goal when trying to wheel a new man.

I don't know who made this, but it's perfect

My dismal pick, Elyse, continued to also be so scary, but SOMEHOW secured a rose. #dontquestionit

While, we were nervous for our former MVB that her child-like behaviour would make Ben, who was putting girls in their place like it was his JOB last night, send her home … she got the last rose and Monica (you’ve contributed nothing) got the boot.

The night ended with one more key Courtney line, when they announced the next tropical destination and she announced “I was there two weeks ago.” Bakkesy said it best -”Shut UP Courtney.”

With so many of our hopefuls (Rachel, Emily, Lindzi…) contributing nothing, it was hard to pick this week’s MVB. That’s why we’ve decided to give it to our GURLwizard: JENNA … We still miss you homegirl. Think about you all the time and how brutal you would be in every scenario.

MVW! MVW! MVW! Most valuable wizard!

And there you have it kids. Will you be surprised to hear that I am STILL in last place in our pool. STILL trailing behind Meghan who has two less people than I do. STILL behind Jess who doesn’t have a clue how the Bachelor works. In the rear after Kate and Rhiannon who weren’t even there to count their own points. And Shannon, who didn’t even catch up on last week’s episode!?

I have no words.

Standings* after week four:

Kate: 217 points

Rhiannon: 199 points

Shannon: 198 points

Jess: 153 points

Meghan: 143 points

ME: 133 points

New calculations for missed points were made today when Meghan made an excel spreadsheet of our points. YA. That happened.

The Bachelor Recap: EPISODE TWO

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It would have been pretty hard to beat such a stellar first episode. But, between Blakely’s gingerbread costume, Jaclyn’s snide remarks and the continuation of Jenna’s meltdown … the nuts (and friends) were quite satisfied with episode two of 2012.

Keep in mind, what was once a casual and carefree Monday night with girlfriends has now turned into an all out batale-royale with the emergence of our Bachelor Pool. So as the girls headed to Sonoma to get a taste of Ben’s real life, the claws came out when Kacie B. was selected for the first one on one date. Half the group cheered on their pick, while I sulked miserably. Really? This was the girl who made a heart in the sky in episode one! How could anyone have put their faith behind her? 

But, I digress, she did pull off a pretty stellar first date. Touring Ben’s hometown she seemed fun and genuinely interested in the intricacies of Sonoma. When she purchased a baton at a shop along the strip, to show off her previous twirling talent, we thought she was done for – but surprisingly, she even pulled that off, being more cute, less cheerleader stuck in her glory years.

The most poignant moment of the night was definitely when Kacie and Ben snuggled up to watch home videos of themselves in an abandoned theatre. As has been referenced many times on the show, Ben’s father passed away not too long ago, so both bachelor, contestant and room full of attentive girls had to blink away tears.

Eyes are looking a littly misty Ben...

This spawned the most heated #BachPool debate of the night, since our set of rules takes points away for girls crying in “any way shape or form” … do happy tears count? Our ruling was that misty eyes, do not, but if a tear falls – happy or not – a penalty of minus five will be incurred. (suckaaas!).

Kacie’s date was spliced with scenes from back at the house that had us all hating Blakely already. The 34 year old cougar, stage 10 clinger, VIP Cocktail waitress, chose aggressive tactics in episode two that did not go over well with our little clan. Stay tuned for more on her antics …

“A) That’s not a name. B) You’re cray.” – Meghan on Blakely.

Up next was the first group date, which since it’s so early in the show, seemed to include almost every contestant. The concept was cute, as Ben tried to show off his sensitive side (does he have another side!?), and had local kids write a play for the girls to perform. Auditions had some girls knock it out of the park, while we literally wanted to knock Blakely out, period. Her “candy-striper” onesie was not kid appropriate and when her audition called for her to act like an ape we all cringed and covered our faces. “Run for the hills, kids!” … “I think that little boy wants some milk.” – Jess.

Put those things away.

The highlight of the play, which actually ended up being really cute and scored some of us some points with pecks on the cheek and lips (finally!), was when Jenna was cast as a wizard. Her get up had us in stitches. “Jenna’s a drunk wizard that’s crying.” – Kate

best moment of the night.

After the play, the girls were up in arms about Blakely’s forward behaviour. Samantha even pulled a stall cry, and THANK GOD none of us had Jennifer as a pool pick who said to the camera she could see herself falling in love with him – ALREADY. on. date. two…. Wow.

Jaclyn actually started to rise up a few notches in our books providing constant comedic relief and had us all thinking that if Meghan went on the show she would be saying the exact same things. “Blakely is super fakely.”

But the evening ended with a literal GASP as the big chested and hated gal secured the rose on the group date. “I guess he likes older women … and teeth.” – Jess on Blakely

Perhaps even more frustrating than Blakely’s emergence as frontrunner, was how NORMAL and CHARMING Courtney was on her one on one date (again, a failed pick on my part … dammit). We don’t blame Ben for being completely captivated with the model from L.A since she seemed like a loveable person who just hasn’t come across “the one” yet.

Although Kate and Ben are on a first name basis on Twitter, Shannon had perhaps the funniest tweet of the night: I would go on #thebachelor solely for joint custody of @BenFlajnik ‘s dog.

The pup was on his date with Courtney and made the girls swoon even more: Winemaker. Dog lover. Sensitive Sally. Dreamboat.

Despite, Courtney’s charming alter-ego her true colours were revealed in her one on one with the camera after securing the rose where she couldn’t help but remind us of THIS (uncanny resemblance):

Vanessa ... I mean Courtney.

At the cocktail party, our girl Jenna managed to have us in hysterics AGAIN when the poor soul couldn’t hold it together. I’m seriously questioning whether she’s ever spoken to a man in her life the way she stutters and stammers and more generally, doesn’t make a lick of sense while talking to Ben. Obviously her encounter with him left her in the fetal position in bed before Ben had to come and get her so she wouldn’t miss yet ANOTHER rose ceremony. Get it together.

Blakely also had a cry scene when she realized everyone HATES her … and Lindzi proved why she was chosen by us all when she had an adorably sweet convo with Ben before the rose ceremony. “He gives me butterflies.”

We were all on the edge of our seats to grab final points as the roses were passed out and much to our dismay (for comedic purposes only) Jenna was finally sent packing. For fun, we kept a tally of Jenna’s points (as if anyone would have been dumb enough to pick her), she was at negative 20 before the rose ceremony commenced.

Buh bye.

Despite the fact, that I am the self-proclaimed Bachelor aficionado of the group. Below are the standings after week one of our Bachelor Pool:

  1. Rhiannon – 73 points
  2. Kate – 72 points
  3. Shannon– 58 points
  4. Meghan – 51 points
  5. Jess – 44 points
  6. Me ……………. 29 points (wow)

I’m maintaing that I’m the sleeper pick and that a TSN turning point of epic proportions will happen.

not pleased.

But for now, Rhiannon and Kate who had BOTH Courtney and Kacie B. ran away with last night’s tally.

If you’re following along with our Bachelor Pool and have any questions feel free to leave a comment or email me at inanutshellca@gmail.com … we had many heated moments discussing contentious kisses, but all in all our love for the Bachelor and for sheer, raw competitiveness was affirmed ten times over.

Until next week, nuts!

2012 is going to be a good year … THE BACHELOR: recap

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Twas the night after New Years, when all through the room,
Not a person was breathing, while awaiting the groom.
The wine was flowing by the TV with care,
 In hopes that Ben Flajnik soon would be there.

The holidays may be over, but the best time of the year has just begun. Last night, marked the launch of a new season of THE BACHELOR. And if the scene at your home wasn’t like the one above, then you need to rally your girlfriends (or boyfriends – we know you secretly watch), to partake in the best evening of the week.

Call it a guilty pleasure, sick obsession or plain silly way to spend your Monday night, but flanked with glasses of wine and laptops for easy access tweeting, the four of us had a night filled with wild moments and lots of tears (of laughter).

If you didn’t catch the 8 p.m. premiere, well then you really missed out. But, never fear. In a nutshell is here to get you up to speed so that you can be caught up for episode two, which is sure to be a doozy.

The show opened with a short recap of Ben Flajnik’s devastating end to last year’s season of the Bachelorette. The soft spoken, shaggy haired winemaker, from the Sonoma Valley, thought he had found the one in Ashley Hebert and got down on one knee in front of millions of viewers on the season’s finale. After a long and awkward moment, Ashley helped him back to his feet to tell him that actualllyyyyyy… she hadn’t chosen him. Ouch. Hearts broke around the globe, especially Kate’s.

But, the stud is back to “find love” once again. Aren’t they all? Rumour has it the producers were worried that the quiet former contestant wouldn’t bring enough drama to the screen so they hired an EXTRA crazy cast this time around. Because the girls are never nuts on this show, right? Heaven help him.

Bios of the girls started out with a bang, with Amber who claimed she was 28 – even though the screen listed her at 29 – and went on and on about how she was going to get Ben to try her family’s delicacy, cow balls. See ya later, Amber.

Next, we were introduced to Courtney – the model. You may have missed it, if you watched but she is indeed a model. In her spare time, she enjoys modelling. And she thinks Ben will like her because she is a model. She also talked about money a lot and how she deserves a two karat ring. By the way, she’s a model.

Jamie was our group’s favourite. Her touching story about raising her brother and sister had us at hello. Most importantly, she seemed normal. A rare quality to find among the Bachelor women.

Lyndsie J came next, a completely insane British woman who spoke a mile a minute and decided to dress in various costumes for her short one minute introduction. Meghan said it best, “Wow. Good luck.”

Jenna started off on a good foot among our little group. She is a BLOGGER – woman after our own heart. It affirmed one thing and one thing only: one of the nuts has got to get in there. However, Jenna quickly became the craziest person on episode one, spending half of the cocktail party crying in the bathroom and was clearly drunker than I was on my 19th birthday. And that’s saying something.

Shawn, the single mom and Nicki, a young divorcée both got our seal of approval, not an easy thing to achieve.

Brittany scored some sympathy points by bringing a friend with her to the first rose ceremony – her 72-year-old grandma. Ben, the sweetheart, didn’t seem to mind though. When he said “I love grandmas” we melted. Way to go, Ben.

Lyndzi (not the crazy Brit) rode in on a horse, which was creative and I guess got Ben’s attention because she got the first impression rose.

Amber, the Canuck, had us rooting for her even though her pick up line (about Baconators) was terrible.

I must pause here to note that Kate (our resident wine specialist) has a serious celeb crush on Mr. Flajnik, and was tweeting at him incessantly throughout the program. When he said “I love Canada” that gave her the perfect opening: @BenFlajnik you love canada eh? Sipping on some Niagara wines! Everything is better up north.

Then, despite all skepticism our night was MADE when…. she got a response from the bachelor himself.

@katelalu love Canada.

HE TWEETED ME BACK.

This obviously sent us into a frenzy, since despite the thousands of tweets this stud was receiving (#thebachelor was trending in Canada and the United States) he only responded to a handful of people. And our little lovestruck nut was one of them! Needless to say, the rest of the evening was spent planning the wedding. We were half expecting him to tweet the last rose goes to @katelalu.

The women’s entrances were definitely entertaining, seeing Emily whip out Purrel and binaca before planting the first kiss on the man of the hour.
Kate: “That was ridiculous. She SANITIZED him.”

Holly wore a ridiculous hat, Monica opened by telling Ben she missed her dog and Shawn gave him a hearty slap on the shoulder. But, it was our girl Jenna that won worst entrance of the night. She was trying to tell him about how she liked his quote at the end of last season when he said “Things don’t end, unless they end badly”, but she managed to completely butcher it leaving Meghan commenting, “Well THIS is ending badly.” Awkward silence had Kate chime in, “PLEASE walk away.” We were in hysterics before she was even inside the house.

A strange potential lesbian scene, girl who rapped (“Is she READING it? Shame. Not freestylin?” -Shannon), and the obvious lunacy of Jenna made the cocktail party one for the books. And when the latter secured the last rose it had us all groan that this was probably a producer choice.

Nevertheless, scenes from the coming season had us all on the edge of our seats and the birth of a brilliant idea to help us enjoy the show even more (is that possible!?) was born.

Having all been in relationships at one point or another with men who obsess over their lines and stats in various hockey and football pools, our competitive group thought we should make things a little more interesting.

After scoping out former Bachelor contestant, Ashley Spivey’s drinking game and downloadable pool sheet (http://saynotocosmo.com/) we started arguing about what was the best way to go about choosing.

This is going to get ugly.

We then pointed out that the guys always get additional points for their players achievements and that we should devise something that would give us the same sick pleasure.

After much discussion, we decided that each person would put their faith behind five women.

These women would win or lose points based on their achievements or psychotic episodes during the course of the season. At the finale, all points would be tallied to reveal the winner. Below is the set of criteria we came up with. We urge you to play along with us!

Keep in mind, you don’t have to pick the winning gal to win the pool.

BACHELOR POOL POINT SYSTEM.

Choose five women – BEFORE episode two airs (and before you read all the spoilers, cheaters!)

How to WIN points:

- A cheek kiss: 1 point

- Peck on the lips: 2 points

- Make-out: 5 points

- First rose in the rose ceremony: 10 points

- One on one date: 5 points

- Rose on the group date: 10 points

- Hometown date: 15 points 

* 5 points per girl that stays at the end of each show

* 25 points per girl that makes it to the final two


How to LOSE points:

- Crying (in any way shape or form): – 5 points

- Make another person cry (staff, bachelor or other girl): – 2 points

- Storm out of a room: – 2 points

- Saying “I love you” or any variation including the words “love” and ”you” TO BEN before the last three episodes: RESET points for that girl

- If you say any variation of “love” and “him” to the camera before the last three episodes: – 5 points

Check back next week for another update on the Bachelor’s antics and to see the standings after week two. Happy obsessing watching, nuts.