Man’s Digest: What NOT to do on Valentine’s Day

You’re invited!
Who? Bachelors, Boyfriends, Husbands
What? To celebrate matters of the heart
Why? Because those you love would like to be reminded of it
When? Tuesday, February 14th

First and foremost, this is not written with the expectation that each of our male readers are utterly useless when it comes to love – you’ve made it this far after all! This is, plain and simple, an expression of what many of my girlfriends and I believe to be the rules of thumb when it comes to Valentine’s Day ‘Don’ts’. They are for males of all relationship statuses, because this is a holiday for anyone with a loved one in their life (as the invitation clearly states!) Without further adieu, I humbly offer you ten things NOT to do this Valentine’s Day, on behalf of all womankind…. (slight stretch, but it’s happening).

1. Plan a double date with your buddy
If you’re planning on surprising her with a double date night with your friend and his flavor of the month, it’s doubtful you’ll receive praises for your Valentine’s preparation skills. Feb 14th is the only holiday that involves just the two of you, so don’t try to impress her by thinking outside of the box. The last thing she wants to do on Valentine’s Day is make small talk with your friends.

2. Buy a card and merely sign your name
If you have no intention of adding your own personal message to a Hallmark card – no matter how long you say you’ve spent ‘personally’ selecting it – just forget it. I think most ladies would agree that “From, x” is not a sufficient effort, and more of a slap in the face than not receiving a card at all. The same goes for cards to family members or friends!

A classic case of carnation disgust.

3. Buy red carnations in place of red roses
It’s true, the price of red roses skyrockets for this holiday, and it’s upsetting that us ladies won’t offer the same reaction to a discount bouquet from the grocery store. But if you’re really on a budget, go for a single red rose rather than a dozen carnations, it’s much more meaningful and, basic rule of thumb… knockoffs never go over well.

4. Sulk at home
For some, this holiday can act as a reminder of singledom. But you know when you’re at a club and you’re yelling over the music to your ‘taken’ friends, surrounded by hotties “I LOVE BEING SINGLE!”? Why not take that sentiment outside of the club and into real life? Sulking at home will get you nowhere. Grab some beers with friends who don’t have plans, go for a skate or skype with a loved one. Treat it like any other holiday, enjoy yourself, and make it your own.

5. Regift
If you think I’m making a mockery of you for stooping this low, think again. This actually happened to a friend of mine when she received chocolates the guy’s mother had given him that same day. Try to use your brain and think of a gift that hasn’t already been handed to you, she’s probably even dropped you a few hints.

Ohmygodgetoverit

6. Be a hater
Fair enough, you hate PDA. Don’t we all? But don’t make those around you who are proudly sporting red, receiving roses or handing out Valentine’s, feel guilty about their celebrations. If anything, you should be happy for them. Embrace this ridiculously cheesy holiday and make the best of it – or else you’re just wasting one more precious day on this earth. Think about it. (And we allllll know you think this is a Hallmark Holiday, it’s not clever anymore).

7. Propose
All of the ladies I’ve spoken to about the classic Valentine’s Day proposal have agreed that it’s a cliché. In my opinion, the element of surprise is key in a proposal…and there’s absolutely no way she’ll be shocked if it happens at Valentine’s Day dinner. Be patient and save it for a random Tuesday, she won’t know what hit her.

8. Buy lingerie
Speaking of cliché….
I’ve spoken out about this issue before in my last Man’s Digest, and in that article I stated the following: “If you’ve got a card and dinner to pair with your premeditated dessert, then this will pass for Valentine’s Day.” There you have it. If you plan on merely heading to La Senza and spending money that would otherwise go towards a lovely dinner, she’d much rather enjoy your company and some delicious food. Lastly, need I remind you the things you’ll have to consider once you’re there at the store? Size. Colour. Shape. Good luck to ya.

9. Plan a date when you’re not even dating
If you’ve only met a few times, you’ll likely scare her away with an extravagant Valentine’s Day date. Don’t get ahead of yourself. If you see each other the week before, bring up the concept if the topic arises and see how she reacts. By no means should you call someone up for a first date and suggest February 14th. I predict a hang-up.

10. See a horror movie
Yes, dinner and a movie is a great Valentine’s date. A little conversation and a little entertainment…and, ahh!!! A murder!! Blood!!! Ghosts!!! How. very. romantic. Talk her into seeing a gruesome movie any other night but this one. Best way to ruin the mood.

For those of you who are taken, remember that simplicity is more appreciated than you would think. Bring out your romantic side. No need for extravagance. Just plan ahead, show her you care, and be your charming self. She’s already into you anyway. See my guide to gift-giving if you’re searching for great ideas!
For those eligible bachelors out there, don’t forget about the sulking/hating. Treat yourself to a little celebration this Valentine’s Day, call your mom/sister/best friend and redefine romance.
In a nutshell, in this fast-paced world, we can all take a moment to breathe, enjoy each other’s company and tell someone we love them. Valentine’s Day gives us the excuse to do just that. xo

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